Is There A Thing Called Perfect Love?
by Bergslaw
Summary: Jane knew that was her answer. "I'm worried about Maura," she said lowering her head. "I'm worried I've lost her for good." Jane licked her bottom lip and closed her eyes. "I'm trying to be what she needs Pop. I'm trying to protect her…watch over her, keep her safe. The same way she kept me safe all these years. But she took it and twisted it into something else." No. He did.


A Perfect Love

Jane smiled and looked down at the small single white rose that lay in her hands. She took a breath and continued on her journey. Reaching her destination she bent over and gently placed the flower down on the thin layer of crystal light snow that separated it from the ground. She cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry it's been so long. I should have come for your birthday…but I had something else I needed to do. Someplace else I needed to be." Jane tucked her hair behind her left ear. She smiled. "Though I'm sure you know all about it. I can feel you keeping an eye on me from up there."

A gentle wind blew, causing the few leaves still clinging to the tree, to brush and make a soft magical sound. Jane knew that was her answer. "I'm worried about Maura," she said lowering her head. "I'm worried I've lost her for good." Jane licked her bottom lip and closed her eyes. "I'm trying to be what she needs Pop. I'm trying to protect her…watch over her, keep her safe. The same way she kept me safe all these years. But she took it and twisted it into something else." Jane shook her head. "No. No she didn't twist it. He did," A hint of regret laced Jane's soft voice. "But she let him, Pop. Maura let this complete stranger in." A sad smile graced her face. "I tried Pop. You know me. I tried and tried, but she made it clear how she feels. I'd be there…explaining this to her…if I thought for a moment she'd see me. But she doesn't want that. She…" Jane felt her bottom lip quiver slightly. "She doesn't want me, Pop."

She took a deep breath and continued. "The reason I came here is to say goodbye. You know why I've got to leave. I'm not running away because I'm scared. I'm leaving for myself. I need you to know I'm not just leaving Maura behind to face him alone. She's got tons of friends…people she actually will let in." Jane paused. "I just can't do this Pop. I can't. For once…for once in my life I'm putting myself first. I'm taking my heart out of the line of fire. For as much as I want to be there for her…to…love her…I can't. My heart just can't take it anymore."

And the truth of the situation and the clarity of the moment rose in Jane's voice. She voiced the words that she'd been thinking for so long and told them to one of the only two people she could tell anything to. ""I think the moment came for me when I realized one simple fact. That she'd rather have him then have me. And when he came after me that night drunk…when I looked into his eyes and saw the darkness there, it made the rest easier."

Jane looked up at the sky. "I love you Pop. And I'll miss you. And I promise someday I'll be back to see you again. Someday soon." She blew a kiss upward. She turned and walked away…and didn't look back.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Maura felt the lump rise in her throat again. She tried too hard to push back the memories from the last two days. Everything was happening so fast. First her engagement. Then Jane, her mother, Frost and Korsak all trying to make her see what Timothy was capable of. Then Timothy's ex fiancé coming to see her. Her break up. The things she had said to Timothy were so difficult to say…but she knew they were truth. She never really loved him. And she was certain he never really loved her. Someone like Timothy was incapable of really loving. Maura looked around her empty home. The knock at her door broke her thoughts as she answered. She was certain it would most likely be Frost checking up on her again. He was quite the guy.

"Frankie," Maura sighed. "I thought we said everything we had to say. He's gone. We won't be seeing him again."

Suddenly Tommy came around the corner as well. "We have something you should hear," Tommy said pushing Frankie inside the house, as he closed the door behind him.

"I don't want you in my home right now," Maura said softly. "I'm tired. I just need time regroup. Please leave."

"He went after her," Tommy said stepping in front of Frankie and going toe to toe with his sisters former best friend.

"Timothy?" Maura looked confused. "What does Timothy have against her?"

Frankie shook his head. "Maura are you really that stubborn? Can you really not see what you've done to Jane? How much you've both hurt each other?"

Maura felt the bile run up her throat. "He went after Jane?"

"He was yelling at her. He grabbed at her…he'd been drinking. Chased her down. I stopped him. Jane didn't have her gun…but he did. I should have locked that bastard up but Jane thought it would have hurt you. She wanted the chance to talk to you- change your mind." Tommy looked down as Frankie continued. "You shot her down Maura. It took all of her courage to come here last night and tell you or try to tell you and you shot her down. Broke her damn heart is what you did."

"Frankie," Tommy held his hand up to calm his bigger brother. "Easy."

"No I won't go easy," Frankie pushed his brothers arm away. "For weeks we've all been telling you what an ass this guy is. How he treats you isn't right. You're family Maura. You're family and you pushed us all away. You don't do that to family. And you sure as hell don't step over my sisters heart to make yourself feel better."

Maura felt the room spinning. "What did I do?" she whispered looking left and right.

"There is more. Jane's leaving."

"Leaving?"

Too much. Too fast. Too much. Too fast.

"Do you love her," Tommy asked. Maura looked up and looked eyes with him.

"Yes."

"Before it's too late. Before you lose the chance…tell her Maura."

"She doesn't want anything to do with me," Maura shook her head. "Not after what I…What I did…said…I was awful."

"So you're just going to sit here…and wallow in your self-pity?" Frankie said looking around the messy house which had always been spotless.

Tommy moved closer. "You can make this right. Only you."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Jane slept and dreamed of the night before when she had begged Maura to leave Timothy. Jane knew it would mean putting it all on the line, so she had. She told Maura how she really felt. That she truly loved her. She told Maura that it was her she should be with, not Timothy. She even kissed her. Sure, it wasn't how Jane had wanted their first kiss to go, but it was all hands on deck and she needed to pull out all the stops. Maura had simple dismissed her.

Dismissed her. That was when Jane knew. Her heart couldn't take it. Being rejected by Maura she could handle. Hell, she'd even prepared for it. But being rejected by Maura for Timothy. No. Jane wouldn't stand for that.

The knock at Jane's door startled her. She had managed to fall asleep on the couch. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was just a little after ten. "I can't believe I fell asleep." She stood and looked through the peep hole. She stepped back and adjusted her shirt. She tucked some hair behind her ear and took a breath. She opened the door.

"If you don't want to see me," Maura began softly. "I'll understand."

"No," Jane shook her head sadly. "Never. Come on in," She motioned for her to come inside.

Maura didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind. "Thanks."

"You're out late."

"I needed to see you."

"Oh," Jane nodded. "I didn't think…after what you said. I didn't think you'd want to see me again."

"After what I said," Maura shook her head and felt tears begin to fall, "after what I said I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to see me again."

"Oh Maura," Jane shook her head. "Never."

"I'm so sorry," Maura flew into Jane's open arms. "I'm so sorry for everything I said. Everything I did. I'm sorry that the words I'm sorry aren't enough."

"It's ok," Jane said feeling Maura in her arms.

"No it's not. It'll never be okay. I hurt you. I brought him into our lives…and he went after you…I…"

"Jane," Maura pulled out of the embrace. "You need to know you mean the world to me. And if I had to I'd kill him before I ever let him come near you."

Jane saw the seriousness in her friend's eyes. "He's not going to come near me or you again."

"They told me you're leaving?"

Jane nodded.

"You're leaving because I…"

"You can't change how you feel," Jane said softly.

"I didn't love him," Maura said swallowing down fear. "I never did."

"I know."

"Where will you go?"

"I'm not sure yet," Jane answered.

"I can't."

"You can't what?" Jane asked turning so she was facing Maura.

"I can't let you walk away Jane. I did it before…and I nearly died inside. I won't do it again."

"Maura…"

"No," Maura reached out and took Jane's hand. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't mean every word you said to me the other day…if you can tell me that kiss didn't mean anything more then what it was…if you can tell me you don't love me…then…then…" Maura paused. "…then it wouldn't matter either way. It wouldn't matter because I can look you in the eyes and tell you that every word you said to me I feel the same. I can tell you that kiss meant the world to me. And I can tell you…I love you."

"Maura," Jane felt the tears begin as Maura took a breath. "What do you want?"

"Jane," Maura leaned forward and placed her cheek against Jane's own, her lips a breath away from Jane's ears. "I want what you want. Us. And I'm so sorry." She gently lowered her head and kissed Jane's cheek.

"Do you think it could be me?"

"I know it will," Maura smiled softly and kissed Jane's lips gently. She pulled back. "What do you want Jane?"

Jane smiled and brought her hand up to Maura's cheek. "I want us to talk every day. I want us to rent bad 80's movies and curl up on the couch and watch them. I want us to paint each other's nails and take midnight swims together for the rest of our lives," Jane said remembering Maura's words from years before.

"The rest of our lives huh? Sounds like quite the commitment."

"It is," Jane nodded.

"I have no say in this," Maura kissed her again, slowly and pulled back. "My hearts already committed to both you. It was long before any of this. I loved you then…and I love you even more now Jane."

"I know," Jane nodded and wiped Maura's fallen tears.

"I love you," Maura smiled kissing Jane.

"I love you too," Jane kissed her back.

The End


End file.
